fragments of a memory

you often try to look back not in fear, but with the strength to face whats behind you. sometimes its a memory of something you regret. people forget that if something wrong you did never happened, everything else would be differnet. you may think nothing good has come or will come, but you have to cry to feel better, you have to scream to let it go, and its always darkest before the dawn. sometimes you might wish you didnt hurt someone, but maybe if you apologize your friendship will be stronger than it ever could without revealing how much you need that person in your apology. maybe you regret breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but think you would never have met someone else in your life, or maybe that person will turn out to be not at the person you wanted. looks can be decieving, and we all are the same basic layout. its how were formatted and how bold our unique fonts are. we cant even control who we are, or what we want, we just chose what we do, and if we'll get it. you could be the most beautiful shade of turcoiquse with brillant streaks of indigo, but there will always be someone who hates the color blue.

summer

new found freckles
natural highlights
so much sunshine i could swim in it
soaking up the sun and loving life
late night facials and night swimming
meeting new people and making more music
singing every chance i get
swimming and yoga and dance oh my
its almost over, but falls so far away

long hair

for about a month now ive been trying to grow out my hair to the bottom of my rib cage. i got short layers on  the top of my head but kept the length around my shoulders on new years. i used to have blonde hair but i dyed it back to my normal medium brown. my hair is mid rib cage on the longest hair and has grown 5 1/2 in. in 8 months. i dont know why i want long hair so bad. ive reached out and bought special shampoo and conditioner. ive changed my diet so im eating more biotin and protein. i almost bought some "hair nails and skin" pills but my mom said she'd to do some research first. im not alone in this, my best friend is on the same journey her hair is about 2 in. longer than mine at the moment. i guess you could say the "popular girls" in school are all growing their hair out too, my favorite actress has long hair to her waist. im also angry with my layers, it doesnt let me do as many hair styles as i'd like. popularity is the fact everyone wants to be you, but  you wouldnt want to be them, so you're "above" them. im glad at my school the mean girls arent actually mean, the only time i was ever bullied was by some girls a year older than me but even then my friends stood up for me and it wasnt even a problem. i wouldnt call myself in the popular crowd but im not much of an outcast. i  keep to myself, have fun with people who i can have fun with, and get good grades. i cant say i dont want to be popular, everyone does, but its not my first priority. how did i get here from long hair?

Monday morning

Of course its summer, so Monday mornings aren't the same,  but they make me think about other things. I only spend about 6 hours in school for nearly 3/4 of the year, but all my memories from school, people school, and teachers are such a strong part  of me. i can still remember when my fourth grade teacher ms.escobar told me not to worry about an assignment were doing because i would get a perfect grade. i remember the look on mrs. daniels face when i was her first student to win an essay contest. of course having  seven different classes made teachers stand out less but ive made it clear mrs. rosenbaum stood out regardless. seventh grade lots of my teachers were more work less play but the year still wouldnt have been the same without any of them. little things break down to have the tiniest impact, where i sat strengthened and weakened some of my friendships. but everything can change still, i still have the rest of my life through another historical figure project :( and more reading as homework(yay!). i plan on making more memories and writing my mind like this whenever i can.

love, pain, and angry Japanese samurai woman

love doesnt give you warnings unless its too far away for you to remember them when it comes. it tricks us into seeing things that arent there, and takes are our minds and gives us a different perspective, that you control if its for the better or the worse.

pain is only there if your expected comfort, no one an expect to be comforted forever, if you make yourself so that no one on the outside can hurt you, you may end up hurting yourself.

a pearl face arises 

moonlight gleaming off her sword

waiting for revenge

the Ellen show

hands down, the best talk show ever. ellen is an optimistic, hilarious character. she is extremly generous and always entertaining to watch. after watching about four episodes back to back on a saturday night and being just as satisfied as i would if i had spent it with a friend, i knew i had to blog about it. even if i did spend it with a friend, i would probably make them watch it with me ;)
P.S. Mrs. Rosenbaum! i was reading your page on the school website and read you have another grandchild! i hope Kyler grows up to look to you for inspiration like i do : )

questions, answers, spirits?

if a tree falls and no one is there to hear it does it make a sound? my theory says yes it does make a sound, because if you scream and no one is there to hear you does it matter, for your sake, yes. today i woke up in the dark in my room while alone in my house. i couldnt remember how i fell asleep or if i new why no one was here. it was dark with alone scared me. i turned on a light, and it turned off by itself. evantually my famliy came homme from an extended walk to the park. when im alone in my house i feel unsafe. like something is watching me, ive begun to question the reality of spirits, leaving the final question, why would they even be here. well lucky for you fear=inspiration

black lace hides my face as i search for a flame
ice glistens in the reflection of my eyes
beneath the ice you can see a fire glowing brighter and brighter
until its extisnguished by the dark figure behind me